I started to show sighs of anxiety as a child. I had an incredibly chaotic childhood and was given a lot of responsibility at a young age. My anxiety was so significant at that time that I would vomit nightly. My parents were concerned that there was something physical happening and I endured tests and exams to find out what was “wrong” with me. The doctor eventually said that I had “bad nerves” but offered neither me or my parents information on how to treat my anxiety.
Now, my parents are great people. They work hard and instilled good solid morals and values into my childhood. But things weren’t always easy and there was a lot of focus on my older sibling who had significant physical and cognitive disabilities. What I had going on was nothing compared to what she endured. Her higher needs took priority and I understood.
Eventually the vomiting went away, but as one symptom disappeared a new one surfaced. I cannot tell you the last time I slept normal hours with assistance from melatonin or other sleep aids. I struggled for many years when I left home to attend post secondary. I lost weight, didn’t eat and the circles under my Eyes have become a prominent feature of my once joyful face.
As a student, I found my calling in Social Work and upon graduation was quickly hired by CPS. It was when I encountered the anxiety of the job that I sought treatment. The medications worked for the physical symptoms for the most part. But my mind continued to spiral.
Ever wonder what it’s like to be anxious? I’m sure many people have. They toss and turned the night before a big day at work. Or they’re worried about a family problem. Those are all “normal” circumstances where being anxious is manageable. You can identify the factor that is causing the anxiety. Once that thing is over the anxiety subsided.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder or GAD is much different. There so many times where I can’t identify what the cause anxiety is. Prediction the symptomology is not easy either. They change in my experience.
I was once fixated on picking my cuticles to the point where they would bleed and become infected. I picked up reading to help me sleep, but found that although I loved reading, that I struggled to put down the book once I’ve started reading. Otherwise I over think the plot and possible scenarios.
These past months have been incredibly challenging. GAD encompasses my life to the point that I needed to take a leave of absence from work in order to get myself healthy. And I did. I got to a great place and went back to work. Within two weeks I was on leave again.
So long story short, I have no abandoned you! I’m simply taking the time to reframe and get healthy!
Thank you all.
